yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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