just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
