that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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