I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
