he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize