She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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