4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was born a porn star she said
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
