I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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