So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
