Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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