today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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