So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
