I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
