Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
