I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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