I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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