Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
