Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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