i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
