doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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