I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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