Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
