I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
