I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
