so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
