You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
