oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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