I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
