1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
