Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
