I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The Olympian is in my bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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