What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
