I cockslap morals
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
