that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
