I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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