please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Too much gin, very little bucket
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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