ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
