We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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