I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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