We won't sleep together?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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