I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
