Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
