Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
