that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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