More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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