It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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