Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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