Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
