I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
