After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
