He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
