I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
