I am in a vortex of obligation.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
