you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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