Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
