im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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