Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
