Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
