Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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