i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
