dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
