I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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