Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Are my feet made of real feet?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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